Camping, Friendships & Change

Camping

Recently my Husband, Son, Daughter-In-Law and 2 of our grandchildren went camping. It was the first time we have camped with kids this young. It was full of amazing firsts, laughs and exhaustion. Overall it was an amazing trip though!

That is not all I want to say about camping though. While it was filled with capturing and experiencing new memories, it was also filled the usual stuff that is involved with camping. Here are my random thoughts I had while camping and after:

• Camping is like playing the lottery: You pick your days to camp months in advanced and hope for good weather. We start watching the weather as soon as it appears on the weather app.

• You pay money to choose to live like homeless people for a certain amount of time and then say you are having fun. Even while you dream of being home in a comfy bed with your favorite streaming service.

• Bugs, especially mosquitos, SUCK! When I asked my grandson what the yuckiest part of the trip was, this was it!

• Unless you have an air conditioner in your trailer, everything is always cold and damp. So you end up sleeping on damp pillows with damp blankets.

• Buying a $30 egg crate foam piece from Walmart makes the world of difference in a pop-up trailer.

• 3 year old children and fire pokers don't mix and if you aren't careful you can lose an eye.

• 3 years old's say the funniest shit!

• Canoes are so relaxing that if you need a toddler to fall asleep, sit them in the front of the canoe and the rocking motion will help them fall asleep.

• Rain SUCKS!

• Sometimes your camp site will flood! Be prepared. (This has actually happened a couple times for my family. The first time was when we were tent camping, so it sucked a lot more!)

• When canoeing, know there is a canoe launch for those with mobility issues. I learned this after I missed the seat trying to get in. So embarrassing.

• Men will always pack JUST what they need and probably forget at least one or two things.

• Women will always over pack! Always! They will always pack for 5 days more than they need and will pack clothes they know they won't need but need to have just in case. You never know what event you will need to attend or how many times you will sweat through all your clothes and need to change.

• Did I mention RAIN SUCKS when camping? It truly does!

• Regardless of the amount of lists you make, you will always forget something. You will be driving away and in your mind see the knives you meant to pack sitting on the counter wrapped in the kitchen towel. (I may or may not be speaking from experience. Okay I totally did this and yes we actually forget about 4 important things. We still made it work thankfully!)

• No matter what you think your children will remember as the highlight or the worst part of the trip, you will be surprised. During our recent trip, it started to rain, correction, it started to pour! Once our trailer was up the rain started. We didn't have time to even unload the cars before it happened. There we sat, 4 adults, 2 kids and 1 dog, sitting inside the trailer watching the rain. I finally decided to back our SUV up to the trailer awning and unload the car. After this was done, Ken sat in the back of the car with the hatch up. Of course the 3 year old wanted to be with Grandpa. So there they sat in the back of the car just being dudes. When the rain stopped, Ken and our grandson stayed outside. Our grandson ran through the ankle deep puddles, while grandpa watched. While I was writing this article, I asked my grandson what his favorite part of camping was. His response surprised me., 'The rain!' Our least favorite part was his favorite.

Friendships

Friends come in so many different forms. There are those who came into your life just when you seemed to need them? You know the one, the person who you felt like you had known forever? But then you drifted apart because life was so busy for both of you.

Then the friend who you meet while working, even though you refuse to make friends where you work because you didn't want things to get messy if anything happened? Yet here you are a decade later still talking and meeting for coffee when you both get a chance. Yes in my case I married one of those coworkers. Life is funny sometimes. (The last bit about my husband I had to add in during my edit because I realized I met him while working at a school.)

There are the friends you have known since childhood or high school. Friends you envisioned going on double dates with and having your partner and kids become friends as well.

Those you meet through groups, church or friends. Where you had something in common at the time you were sharing those interests with.

Friends you may stumble upon online and start chatting with and end up three years later never missing a day of saying hey how are you and telling your personal thoughts to.

Then there are those friends who are literally family. Your siblings you have grown up with and have a blood relation with.

Hopefully these friendships are ones that are or have been amazing for you. That they have filled something in your life that was needed and that you too were able to fill something your friend was missing. I have had friendships that have gone because one of us changed or we drifted apart due to the busyness of our days. I have also had friendships that have been regained after decades apart. Ones where you will stay in touch casually because you are glad they are back.

I have sadly had the opposite. Those are always the hard ones. The ones you need to let go of. Where you need to take space for whatever reason. While these periods are hard and at times very lonely, the other side is always better. When you begin to see that it was the choice that was needed to help you grow.

I think what I am really want to make clear, is that it is okay and healthy to say no more. Especially if a friendship is becoming toxic or even just one were you feel they don't truly listen. We are all learning and growing at different stages in our lives. Our likes and interests change as we do. This is okay and while it may be hard to do, most times it is needed.

Friendships shouldn't be hard work. Friendships shouldn't come with stipulations and rules. They shouldn't be something you dread and if they are maybe it isn't the right friendship for you. I have always had a hard time making friends because I have a very difficult time trusting people. Having your first husband send you shopping for a toaster and then hopping on a plane to England will do that to you. So ya I have a very hard time. So when I do make friends I cherish the shit out of them and because of this I always hurt when I realize we have either grown apart or the situation isn't right for either of us anymore.

Be true to yourself always!

Change

I fucking hate change! Like with a passion. It terrifies me to no end. I hate surprises just as much as change. I think honestly the two go hand in hand. Well in my life they have. With surprises come some kind of change. Like why can't we just be given a play book with all the important shit itemized on it and approximate time lines. They don't necessarily have to happen but come on, it would make my life so much easier. Before you say 'But then there would be no surprises in your life', remember I HATE surprises as much as I hate change. Even the good ones I am not a fan of.

Whenever I think about something I want to change in my life or something I want to start, I get this huge period of self doubt. Okay, first I have that period of OMG this will be great! It will work and be so successful! Then BAM! In walks self doubt. You can feel it approaching and I don't know about you but it is like I just open the fucking door and say 'Hey I was waiting for you. Make yourself comfy! Want a drink? Maybe a snack.' For me it is so often! Especially now that I am not working, or rather, bringing money in. I am working. I am working on ideas so that I can bring money in while staying home. This trying to find ways to make money however is nerve wracking and at times so deflating to the ego. BUT you have to get up, shake it off and start over.

Here is a change that I am terrified of. I have spoken about how I was an exercise junkie often on here. How I am broken because I truly didn't know when enough was enough. I have also been open about how I have gained back ALL of the fucking weight I lost 20 years ago. It happens when moving makes you cry most days. I have had some pain relief with the new injections, and hopefully more with the newest and most painful one I will get in a month. I know it will the most painful because after my last injection the doctor told me that it would be just a bit less painful then the spinal I receive AND that it will be painful for a week after. Especially since I won't be allowed any ice, heat or ibuprofen. I know you are jealous that I have something so fun to look forward to. Anyway back to the exercise junkie part. My daughter has started going to the gym and her gym allows her to share her membership as long as you go at different times. I have been talking to my husband about me going to the gym before I pick our granddaughter up from daycare. No I don't need his permission or blessing on this but we communicate with each other and I feel it is important to have someone I trust hold me accountable for this. I have shown that I am not the most responsible person when it comes to listening to my body. For example, when we were speaking I said I would go everyday before I went to get her and he suggested 2 to 3 times a week. I was shocked, like who does that? He told me that normal people who are trying to rebuild their body do that.

The plan is I will be going 2 to 3 days a week, eventually my head will get around this. I am scared though. I have NOT been to the gym as a 230 lb woman in 20 fucking years! 20! Yes I spoke my weight out loud. Yes it is a large number. Yes I am truly embarrassed of it and hate it. Yes if I could have changed it before now I would have. AND yes this change is scary for me but I am doing it. Even while the self doubt, who is still lounging on the couch drinking my vodka and eating my snacks tells me I am not welcome there.

There is another change I want to talk about though. One that is equally as scary. Putting myself on a schedule! Sounds easy right? Although if you have ever worked from home when people are there it is easy to get side tracked. So easy!

Here is the plan:

I have come up with a theme for each week. Some weeks will be in the form of both podcast and blog, while others will be one or the other. Here is the tentative schedule.

Week One - Random Thoughts and/or Craft Talk

Week Two - Honest Reviews

Week Three - Healthy Chat with Guest

Week Four - Book Club (But not your usual book club)

I am planning to start this in August and I will give more information about the book club in a week. While I am excited, I am also super nervous. So please leave a comment below about

A) something you want me to review AND/OR

B) who you want me to interview

You can also just leave a comment too because I would love to know that people are listening and reading my stuff. I would love to hear you thoughts about the things I write about. (Most times at 2 in the morning while I can't sleep. Stupid insomnia!)

Thanks and have an amazing day!

Tonya